Tyanna Linton 

The Essay (IAS 23304)

Professor Moore

September 14, 2022

      “Malevolent Occurrences Can Repeat Themselves”

January 6, 2002 was the day I was born right here in Brooklyn, New York. I can’t remember my birth or my first few years of living. But what I do remember is moving to Jamaica when I was 2 years old. However, it was all still a blur. The only thing I can remember is going to school out there and spending a lot of fun times with a few family members. Everyday I would wake up and wait for breakfast. I always got porridge in the morning. It was always fresh banana porridge. Right after breakfast my mom dressed me for school. Then my grandma and my mom gave me kisses before I left to go to school with my school driver. But one day, my mom packed all my things up. I didn’t know what was going on. I was just really being a kid. Playing with my puppies outside, eating everyone’s food and just really enjoying nature. Hours later my mom told me we are moving to New York. I was extremely sad. I was mainly sad because my grandma was not coming and neither were my twenty puppies. I asked my mom if “I can take one” and she said “we can’t, they don’t have their shots”. I was extremely sad. But I don’t know, there is something about the feeling of being on an airplane I liked as a young girl. It literally calmed me down watching the plane take off, seeing the city views, the oceans, the clouds and watching the plane land. I remembered it like it was yesterday. The feeling of the plane gliding in the air made me feel like I was floating on top of the clouds (Simile). It felt so relaxing and peaceful. I was extremely happy despite the fact that I was moving. 

Hours later, this stranger picked me up. I did not want to go to him. He was a tall dark skinned man and was very skinny. I said to my mom” Mommy mi dont like dis mon here”. My mom laughed and said Tyanna this is your father. I never really pictured who my father was. I spoke to him on the phone once in a blue moon. But, I never really knew what he looked like until that day. Later that night, we stayed in a hotel room. I ask my mom is this our new home? She said no we are in a hotel and we are going to your home tomorrow. In the afternoon, we woke up around 12:00 pm. I noticed this strange man again, who seemed to be my dad. In the hotel room. I noticed my mom packing our stuff again. Therefore I know we are leaving once again. We arrived in this red building. I had to walk up three flights of stairs to a door. That door my mom and my father told my that “this my new home”. I wasn’t scared because I was a very happy child and I know when I can or can not trust someone. As the years went on that happy Tyanna, suddenly disappeared. In my head the sunny clear blue skies became very dark with no light.

As the years went by when I was six years old, I discovered my dad was a drinker. I never really understood why he did it. His personality just took a huge turn. I always heard bad stories about my dad. When it comes to my mom or his own kids, he will verbally belittle his family and the women who gave birth to his kids. We all did right by him. We gave him chances after chances. But he didn’t do right by us. For me, money was never a big thing to me. To this day he calls me about money. My father went from being someone I look up  to to someone that I can’t stand to look at. I don’t want to get too personal but my dad put others over his own kids. One day I let my father know what his wife said to me when I ate the food in the fridge. His wife’s exact words were “ Next time I should have put something in the food so it can run your belly so you will be sent to the hospital”. My dad called me a liar. He told me I am trying to ruin his marriage. Even at one point his wife was so paranoid of me that she thought I scratched her out of their wedding picture. I never once did anything to hurt either of them. I only did what I was taught which was to love, appreciate and respect others and that’s exactly what I did. 

I fell into deep depression, I felt like I was a mistake in that household. It was as if my presence stopped them from living their lives. You see this is why I didn’t want to bring up this story because it’s not something you can fit on three pages. It’s something you can fit in over 100 pages or more. It’s like every year my life is a different chapter. I can make a book with 20 chapters that can describe exactly what I went through. My fingers would never stop typing because those detrimental experiences with my father are endless (Hyperbole). I felt like my world was being torn apart. The father I thought I had and was getting to know. Became someone I wanted nothing to do with especially when he ruined my entire childhood.

  The next morning, my mom and sisters planned to go out for breakfast. I had my outfit planned out and I was extremely excited to get ready. I couldn’t even go to sleep that night. I was up watching High School Musical  and I remember saying to myself “I can’t wait to get into High School”. As soon as I said that all I hear was banging on my door. It went from a quiet knocking to a loud consistent knock. The knock was loud, you’ll think it was the police that was at the door (Simile).I got scared and woke my sister up. I said “ something is wrong with him, I am scared”. She said “Tyanna just go to sleep, once we ignore him it will stop”. But it never did, the knocking continued all night. My sister finally got up and ask him “what’s the problem? Its too late to be knocking like that, tyanna is sleeping”. My dad got upset with my sister and start yelling at her and calling her out name. He told her “ Get the fuck out my house you Bitch”. Yep, the person we called our father. He called my mom out his name and said she ran away with us to Jamaica. But my mom ran away from him to protect herself and most importantly her children. That night I finally understood why my mom decided to leave. My sister then tried to close the door and he wouldn’t let her close it. He pushed the door on her and she said she’s going to call the cops. I got up and yelled “Leave us alone and get out of our room”. My dad said “you too”. I said “yes you hurt my other sister previously and your not hurting her”. He went out and slammed the door. 

A few seconds later, he started to pray to god and then switched back to cursing us out. At that moment, I was honestly scared for my life. I smelled something burning when I looked under the door. He took up the cutting board in the kitchen and lit it on fire by our door. I screamed and then called my mom and told her I think we are going to die. She rushed over to the apartment. It was like my mom literally flew to us. Then my other sisters came. I literally fell into a deep dark space. I was crying all night, I couldn’t sleep. I knew my mom and sister were there for me. But the first man in my life was gone. At one point, I wrote letters to him since  I was six years old begging for a change. But the change never happened. This experience with my dad ruined my view on men in general and even God. I used to go to church on my own. Church became my escape until he started taking me to his churches. He loves to say “this the baby, this my little girl”. But I felt like I was a burden to him and his wife and his house made me feel like I was their nightmare. Till this day my father has been the same way and my view on men has never changed. The worst part of it all is now, it’s like the person I lived with is starting to pick up some of his traits. Thats why when I do these free writes thats all thats on my mind. The mistreatment I received from the people who are supposed to love and care for me. You see, my father fed me and he provided a roof over my head. I appreciate that dearly but it’s deeper than that. I needed my father to be someone I can look up to and rely on. But he became someone I am trying my best to avoid. Since about two years ago, the mistreatment still continues. From the age of 6 to the age of 18, my father never hit me but his words were hurtful. Which was  one of the worst pain I had to undergo. I have no men in my life to look up to. So I can see how my present and my past is going to look like. But I am going to try my best to not make my past define my future. However, I strongly feel as though that cycle is soon about to repeat itself again and I am trying my best to avoid it and stay positive, like I have been doing for all these years. But as many say “it’s only so much that a person can take”.